#121. My First Smoothie Failed.
Guess who just got a blender?
—-> This girl! <—-
I didn’t own a blender until today.
To some people that’s like not owning a microwave.
I hope you’re okay with it.
It’s not that I hadn’t owned blenders before.
It’s just more of a luxury than a necessity in my home.
However, the warmer temperatures have me aching for something ice-cold going down my throat all the time so I thought I’d become my own smoothie goddess.
I found myself daydreaming about the delicious smoothies I’d make.
How I’d make all my friends try them, and how in love with them they’d fall.
Maybe it would become a business.
And so it arrived.
Excitement took over and I hurried to the nearest grocery store to stock up on ingredients that would go in my very first, life-changing smoothie.
Should I go fresh or frozen?
Yogurt or Ice-cream?
Fresh ice, the stank old ice that’s in my freezer, or no ice at all?
What about milkshakes?
I’m getting ahead of myself.
GRAB that fruit and RUN!
Here’s what I came home with:
It was a bounty of frozen fruits, ice-cream, and yogurt.
I washed the blender.
I assembled the blender.
I filled the blender.
I was ready to make magic with the blender.
I decided to start with the “Tropical Mix” of mangoes, bananas, and strawberries.
I added two scoops of vanilla ice-cream.
Then three stale ice cubes.
I hit “blend” and waited for my smoothie.
I was immediately reminded of how LOUD and irritating blenders are.
How have we not figured out a way to silence a blender?
Maybe silencing it isn’t possible but how are they still so loud?
It’s so loud I can’t even stand it.
There’s no way I could work at Jamba Juice.
That blender was SCREAMIN.
Not only was it loud as hell, it wasn’t blending.
Only a little.
Not nearly enough.
I took it off, realigned, tinkered with it, said a prayer, sang a song, and still only part of it blended.
What the fuck?
I added a splash of milk.
It didn’t help.
After a solid 10 minutes of trying I had to give up.
Surely I was doing something wrong.
I performed a little surgery and managed to salvage a shot glass worth of smoothie and enjoyed it.
That’s right, it was good.
I’d rate it a solid 5.
It was just the right amount too.
Maybe I’ll work on shot size smoothies.
Add a little booze and see what we get.
I’m going to keep trying.
That’s right, I’m going to blend until I’ve come up with my own kale-infused fruit smoothie.
Yep, I said kale.
I don’t even like kale.
I’m gunna try it though.
Wish me luck.
Sucking @ Smoothies